Graduated.

what comes to your mind first after hearing this graduated word? 

graduate. graduated. graduation.

for me graduation is like the gate out for your school drama. or may I say, shits.

it's so exciting, ending your misery in highschool, ending your struggle with the grades, with your enemies, friendenemy, shitty teachers and stuffs. 

but I just got this sad idea of graduating. Suddenly this insecurity feeling came up, afraid of losing your close friends, afraid of being forgotten. or forgetting. 

I'm already used to say goodbye, since every crush(es) of mine always left me because of the graduation thingy. 

But I didn't really get bothered by it because I was the one who got left by. But now I'm graduating, I'm leaving too. Not like my those junior days when these crushes left and I stayed, but this time I'm also leaving. 

You know that guilty pleasure of leaving something? Something that actually okay whether you stay or leave for it, but it still hurts to leave by?

I'm so afraid of leaving my life as a youngster, teenage, who can skip class everytime I want because I know my school won't fail my graduation HAHAHA.

I'm  so afraid of being forgotten by people around, I'm so afraid of what's coming up on the future. 

people around me is like getting alzheimer as soon as we got into the college.

I cannot overcome this insecurities. 

if drama in highschool was a shit, so what about planning future? now that's a real shit going on.

I know I sound like a coward through this post.